It was my choice to be alone because I need to be. It is so much bother to be with people whom I think would not understand why I am who I am, and easy to be with myself at my own expense. Solitude is where my world spins.
Yes I do have friends, yet they are like planets that revolve around me in their own orbits. And I have my own orbit as well or a personal space as we may call it. Yet mine is a very exclusive one for most of the time I keep most of the things to myself.
I like the serenity that comes from being solitary. I listen to the different thoughts in my head. Challenge issues in it which remain vague to me and need deeper understanding. Sometimes I find myself typing my thoughts in a computer or getting myself engrossed on a piece of art or books. When myself craves for music, I get myself drunk to it.
I can travel kilometers away from home alone. I’m alone but not lonely as I find people to converse with in a every journey. And if you’d dare me, I can watch movies in theatre solo. I can probably go over three times in a row. Because I love movies in big screen, the crisp background music, sound effects and voice overs. DVDs can never replicate that.
Moreover, I love being myself with myself. Because for me I need to consume most of my time loving myself first before I can fully love others.
— The girl who is used to being alone
A devil murmurs in my left ear, preempting me to many things that I would’ve want to discover myself. As much as possible, I want to avoid one-sided accusations and I think this one is trying to win me over by exposing anomalies her enemies have been into.
Obviously, I’m in the middle of the opposite poles now. This is a tug-of-war that I don’t want myself to get into. Both of them can fight, but hell, I’m not taking in any part of this.
A response to the ‘Word-High July’ daily prompt organized by bloggers Maria and Rosema.
Today’s Tagalog word is “Pahimakas” or last farewell in English.
This is not really the original one that I wrote because I happen to close the window I am working on without saving it as a draft. Anyway, I tried to remember everything in verbatim but I can’t really get back to some of the words. This is the best I can retrieve from my memory.
Getting back together is impossible now. You know that. Unless you cull that one person out of your life who made my life miserable.
I have a big problem with people who made my life difficult. And I don’t think liking you is enough to make all the hatred disappear. So, I need to be away, away from the pessimists dragging me down to the depths of despair.
If I stayed, I’m certain you are not going to save me from being miserable. You’ll just listen for goodness sake. Maybe because you know less of the world I am in, you are scared, and not a man enough to handle my tantrums, my dilemma that have finally went out.
If we get back together it is not in this moment. It will be somewhere distant where only the two of us know each other. A new place, with new people, and new us.
How can she ruin one’s soul?
Only to benefit her own?
She crashed and stepped on someone’s dignity
With conscience nowhere to be found
What can she get from that?
When people around murmur
Insane, so insane
People are no blind
Go ahead and spread false news
In time, truth shall prevail
I see myself drifting away from things I used to cling on and believe. I guess this is the moment of acceptance and maturity. A moment of gladly acknowledging all the plans He has made for me.
I think I won’t run for now. The struggle to escape which once consumed me shall momentarily end here. I’ll listen to YOU more and hear my heart speak for me more often.
Minsan ng naging alipin
ng mga pangakong suntok sa buwan
Kaya kung mga salita’y walang katotohonan
Huwag nang sambitin at lumayo nalang
Hindi ako isang peryodiko sa dyaryo
Listahan ng mga trabaho
Na kung iyong naibigan ay aaplayan
Kung ganun paman, mga tanong ko’y
Baka hindi mo masagutan
Pakiusap ko sayo ay lumayo nalang
Bago pa maging matalas ang dila ko
At ikaw ay masaktan
I was once a victim
Of sweet words and failed promises
So if your words are untrue
I tell you not to say it
I’m not a periodical in a newspaper
With list of jobs you can apply to
Well then, if I am
You might not bear the questions
I’ll have to ask
So now, I ask you to keep your distance
Before my words wound you
And tear you apart
It is an outside force
Gradually breaking the walls
Built with sturdy rock
That have been standing there for years
Years go by
And rocks do wither
Like how a flower wither when autumn comes
How beauty fades in passing time
Like any other, the wall reached its point
The wall once impermeable
Now brittle and breakable
Someone break those walls
Invaded its entirety
Am glad that someone is you
I would’ve been alone forever